<~11:04 pm on Sunday, Oct. 13, 2002~>

little relevancy bore...

I hate homework. Yes, it is a boring, well-known but nonetheless true fact. Argg I cannot concentrate on it whatsoever, especially the outlining. It is truly the quintessence of annoying. I guess that'd be why I never do it.

Anyways about today, about today...

I went to mass last night so I had the rare pleasure of sleeping in. Of course my sister absolutely had to start screaming nonsense before she left to go to the 12 noon mass, just to have the knowledge that she made my day a bit worse. Even with that I woke up in an ok mood, normally Sundays are days of horrible depression and procrastination. At one oclock was the schools homecoming football game, but I convinced myself to stay home and be a loser and actually get homework done, considering I had done stuff the past two nights. I have such a weak conscience tho, the day dwindled away while I was online and watching the movie Finding Forester. (sp?) I finally gave in entirely when Tori called to invite me to come to the mall with her. Even tho I felt like I've been there a lot lately, I went. I mean lets consider the choices: a. Stay home and sulk while procrastinating... or b. Go to the mall, get to hang out with Tori while spending my Mom's money on anything I can wear.

Now hopefully choice b wont exist the night before midterms. Cuz I'd probably toss my responsibilities away even then. Look at me (as best you can through a computer monitor) its 11:30 pm and i have an ungodly amount of homework to do, gahhh argnosity. Anything that will distract me from the bitter sad reality is a friend. My cd player is especially good with this kind of friendship. Only several things have the characteristic of being perfectly entertaining when all you have to do is sit and stare into the void. I'm sure this is familiar, this action is one of my favorites to do.

C'mon kiddies, lets start. Bend zee knees. Rest weight upon sofa. Stare ahead into nothingness, blinking occasionally.

You'll always be able to find me in a class i find boring. Or anywhere that i just dont care to be. I never sleep; sleeping is calming and it is a respite, but u are not in control, you cant make use of the time in your own way. When I'm in my own world, I just cease to think and act. I simply be. Some people call this spacing out, but I think its more of a spacing in. Do u not become more aware of yourself and less concerned with the world? Your perspective is more introverted and the little things just dont matter as much. How I wish the world could be more like this... its constant demands are so stressful and unhealthy, unconcerned with your inner being. I love having extra time just to "be" and i enjoy it even when i dont have the extra time. But it seems reality hits you with twice the force once you emerge. I guess its simply a counter-balance, life does even out often.

Hmm. It is also somewhat apparent about when I turn on my music during my writing, no? I was talking about my trip to the mall at one point.

Tori invited me to come with her to the mall... we wandered around, and I managed to spend almost all of my mom's money again. Of course my main splurge was at Pacific Sunwear, I got some pjs w/ elephants on them. Ya just gotta love them elephants. There are up there on my list of cool animals with armadillos. Just can't ignore the coolness, nope nope! I also got a blue Rusty tee cuz I could. Tori got the same pjs as me from there and this shirt from Hot topic that said "Warning- hanging around me will greatly damage your reputation" or something to that extent. I would've gotten a shirt like that but I was too busy moping that no place has baggy pants nemore and the ones there were either too big or wayyy too much money or overly covered in zippers. I just wanted baggy pants! Can't a girl get sick of the annoying tight flares that are all the same and never fit?? After Tori took a trip back to PS to return a set of rings she bought that didnt fit and I got an Auntie Anne's pretzel and lemonade, we walked over to Kohl's since I had 2 ten dollar gift certificates. Actually it was more like jogged over... and even with that it still took a chunk of misplaced time. My mom got the certificates when she went there on this one certain sale day in which they gave them out to every customer. She found something else when she was walking out, so she got another one. I chastised her for not getting more, she should've walked through and gotten 18 packs of gum at separate times! Anyways I was annoyed at all the repetitive styles and jeans we saw in the juniors section so we immediately wandered over to the guy's section to get baggy pants. I dont care if it was weird, hey, it worked! The sizes in guys pants are weird tho... it has like 2 numbers, waist and something to do with pant leg length? I guess. The smallest was 30 by 30, which was too big on me. The length was fine but it still twas a bit big on me round the waist, I guess I'm skinny, lol. Thas ok cuz it wasnt that bad. Tori, or maybe me, I dont 'member, found these awesome camouflage pants and they were really cool! And on sale. Muahahahaha... *grins evilly* So of course after much consideration and the succession in making the girls fitting rooms looking like demented guys had gone in and left there stuff there, we decided on the camouflage pants and a huge black shirt that said "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." How true that shirt is. Ok well the only problem with out plan was that I am an evil person and somewhat took back the gift certificate i gave to Tori saying she could have, i was sure i wouldnt spend much. But it didnt matter, even with there wasnt enough for the pants, even on sale.

We then did the typical call-dad-collect-at-home-telling-him-to-bring-$-only-to-have-ur-brother-pick-up-and-refuse-charges move. Yeah, that didnt work too well.

So of course Mr. Kennedy came and Tori couldnt buy the outfit. How come I always end up being mean in these situations? *sigh*

The journey back to reality was not met with cooperation. It is now 12:47 (i got distracted online, yeah that was expected) and I still have only those 3 sentences written for 10 18 pages of outlining I have to do. Plus the work for all the other subjects too. I am such an idiot. I dont know how I ever got to be ranked 5th in my class. I feel a skyrocketing number type sensation coming on. Its my fault for letting everything get between me and concentration tho. I need some sort of anti-internet obbsession medication or something. Its insane. Not this summer but the one before I was rarely online at all. I would check my email what, once a week? The only thing I would do would be possibly work on my little Aol webpage... other than that not much. Dear God, I only discovered Neopets that August. That got me hooked to the internet. There was actually more to the grey box than instant messaging friends from school and emailing faraway cousins. My life would be so much different if I did not have this connection into a amazing realm ina caliber of its own. God bless Bill Gates. Even if he is a filthy greedy, multimillionairic snob... of this i have no idea. I dont really care, but at least he invented windows and all this other computer junk.

Oh yeah, speaking of all that computer junk I'm getting another new design again! I'm too lazy to put it up now, but Rinramiel Designs took a suggestion that I personally made and made a Avril Lavigne template that didnt have all that stupid script writing and fake stuff. And it has lyrics from Losing Grip, one of my favorite songs by Avril! I feel greedy, I don't want other ppl to be able to use it, blarg. I dont really care if I sound mean. Originality is a good thing. I'm always afraid to ask for a custom design tho, 'cause if I don't like it, I'll still feel obligated to use it since i made the request. And I'm pretty picky, perfectionism would do that. Anyways that should be around soon. Of course as a tribute to this dandelion/flying/fallish layout that lasted 3 days, I'm putting its on the older entries page. I love to mismatch like that, it gives u a chance to show more of yourself.

Ok. I need a reality check. If I'm out cold on the floor tomorrow morning, please don't bother me by reminding me that I have the little detail of goin to school. I'm not a morning person, and don't feel like going to court for physically attacking someone. That would be a bit of an annoyance. I must leave you, my comforting, pixel scribbling pad.

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