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yourself, even when we own no words Breathing. I wanted to think of how I'm feeling and start the entry with that, but breathing is the only quality i felt right now. I could say empty but its not that either. Its a combination of thingums that i dont know and maybe some that have no names. There's a buncha things I've done recently and want to write about, and things I have yet to do and other things I feel more obligated to write, yet i havent. Long detailed explainations are boring, short sketchy nothingnesses arent me. Anyways this weekend has been quite tiring so far and without much sleep probably leaving me grumpy now. Arg. But u better not say that to me. Went Rock climbing friday night with chrissy sean, etc... and sucked. I was called a rainbow fairy and I didnt care. Dont feel like explaining but ur supposed to use specific colored rocks to get to the top of the wall, like all of the same color. But of course that couldnt have meant me seeing as i was so short i couldnt reach one of the first ones. So basically I was a rainbow fairy. Oh well. In general rock climbing was a lot harder than I thought, i wasnt coordinated enough, lol. And the fact that i havent been to the weightroom since last year didnt exactly help. Once I am a rich freak living off of choc chip mint ice cream in a chilled martini glass, I'll show them. I'll buy my own weight equiptment. And even more shocking than the fact that ill be eating outta a chilled martini glass, I'll actually use it! Wow. Thats asking for too much nonlaziness. Oh yeah random interjection- GO EAGLES! kinda late because well, baseball's better. Unfortunately the Phillies kinda suck. Or did. Today was crew. Duh. This was where my weird lets-turn-antisocial-today-cuz-i-dunno-wat-im-feeling-mood came in. Carried blocks of wood. No actual good inside jokes formed, just stuff taped to ceilings. Arg. I would ramble more but well, i cant. Its annoying because i wanna and have no one to release my torrent of liquid emotions on. its all sucky. Yeah. Or at least depressing. I tried the drill guns today but just about every other person in the inner posse and outer posse had to try. Pissed me off frankly. Really did. Not everyone! Arg! Theres getting to be too many ppl following me round and that bugs me. And less ppl to hang with. Rather frustrating. I had to listen to Marissa's justin timberlake on the way to lunch, ggoddd. It was so amazingly torture full I'm surprised I didnt hurl. i should be greatful I got a ride. And im frustrated and as much as Eowyn had to go thru at least she was the only one being as she was. I am being me. Being exactly how I am. And thats not original anymore. And thats not good enough. I know i will never give up on being me but other people will. Who cares. Im invisible and that means to be alone. If I may quote poppyfish, "We can all be happy people. If we don't look at the world." Its especially frustrating when you look out at people that go out there acting on how to please others. I noticed that a lot today, in more than one place or person. I could die happy if I was a hermit, i suppose. But as for now I must go to bed. My thoughts turn toward tomorrow where I travel to the snowy places and back to dry my skin and achify my limbs. Aloha, mellons.
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