<~6:36 pm on Wednesday, Jul. 02, 2003~>

i aint got no crystal ball...

Back to the ol' summer blues. Well the other half of summer has crept up on me and im back to those uneventful boring days with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Homework has come back to haunt be also, and so Sunday and Monday were spent procrastinating and working on annoying american history worksheets. Fun fun. Yesterday Rufo came over and I guess you could call the day enjoyable. We went to the pool early on but i didnt get too much exercise. It was fun tho, even with Caroline tagging along ^^

Of course something had to go wrong. While we were playing a game of pool, the pa system announced that the pool closed because someone defecated in the shallow end. God, how disgusting. I'm glad I wasnt in the pool when that happened but it was still quite disturbing. Stupid little kids. Thats never happened before while I was there and hopefully it doesnt happen again.

And thus our trip to the pool ended prematurely.

We went home and watched training day, which was a bit of a cop city gangsta movie. I dont know why but in the middle of it I thought out loud and said "I dont like this movie." Talk about embarrassingly blunt. I feel bad about that, saying that to Rufo when he was being nice and wanted me to enjoy it. Arrgg I'm so insensitve sometimes, and I cant control it. After that we put in minority report tho, and that I did enjoy. Its one of those sci-fi thrillers that make you think. I like it when theres actually enough of a plot that you get dragged in and are left with realities to wonder about once its over. It probably wouldve been better if Tom Cruise wasnt in it, hes a good actor I just like movies better if theres still quality acting, but I dont recognize anyone. (ie The Ring!)

It was a nice peaceful day though, and I did like it. The annoying thing is that all these movies and the pool are getting repetitive, I wish there were more things to do around here.

Today was the day when more people started to leave and the lonliness set in more plausibly.

Tori's trip to Germany has been the most prominent change in the summer to me. Last time I suppose it was worse, for I was at the point of my life before I had met any of my wonderful friends in highschool. Right now tho I miss those old values, outdoor adventures, and days of nothingness out in the sun. Instead of being outside or just hanging with her around home or at her house, I am stuck here.

I am trapped inside, waiting forever online for some people to get on, for updates to occur, for amusement. I am so pale its starting to look sickly, and my muscles are fading into blah from lack of use. I need to start getting into some kind of routine or my summer will fade away before its even come. In a way I'm jealous because I would love more than anything to be able to have the chance she has, and had. But I'm also glad for her, glad its my best friend that gets to go rather than someone else, and its all good in that sense. I wish i had more to do then be left here tho. Theres no other neighborhood friends to play outside with, or hang out with often. Sami's still around but i dont see her much outside of when I'm with Tori, and shes not a tomboy like Tori and I are ;)

Today was a bleak, hopeless kinda day. In an attempt to break from tradition, I went driving for the second time, missing a stop sign and having more trouble than I did on Sunday. I also went for a run, which turned out to be a joke. I did awful and could barely run for 10 minutes straight at a good pace, so I went on and off for awhile.

Of course, once I got back, the boringness of home returned. Rufo left for the shore, Anna and Chrissy and Chelle trekked up to the mountains. I really wish I could've come :( I know I'll get to go up later but i feel a twinge of dissapointment for missing the big party and Bbq for the 4th. Maybe its not that big of a deal, but I know I wont be seeing any fireworks around Media.

It makes me miss Towanda, that place way upstate we'd always visit this time of year. I was one of the little kids, Bridget and Missy and all the teenagers were fun to hang around and we'd get to go to the pool, Ames, Ben Franklin, that nice little antiques shop where I bought that flower tea set for $13. I would have that Harriet the spy notebook and write about what I did, carrying a compact with me and looking around corners before proceeding. Ahhh, nostalgia.

The days would never be boring. There were board games and drums and places to go. Me and tim would sit in when the older ppl watched movies like Airplane... and so many of the jokes would go over my head. I remember being told "You'll understand when you're older." And they were right. We'd watch the Lion King, thus causing Timmy to run around all day screaming, "They call me Mr. Pig!!"

Then at the lakehouse we'd be all cramped up in that house with an interesting layout. There would always be card games going on somewhere. And if it was a nice day, you could go out to the lake to go swimming, or canoeing. There was a dock out in the lack all the big kids would go to. I dont think I was ever old enough to go all the way out there, but I still enjoyed it. I remember my dad putting me in a lifejacket and letting me just float around the edge of the dock while he sat in a chair, reading his book. When I got tired of that I would lie flat on my stomach on the edge of the dock, dangling a net into the water, waiting for a fish to come close enough for me to snatch. This amused me for hours, and though I was never able to catch anything, I never got discouraged.

I loved it down there. Those warm summer nights spent on the dock with the sounds of crickets echoing in your ears, the stars above, and their diamondlike reflections on the lake. Then on the fourth of July, there we'd get sparklers in the woods, and I would write out my name dancing and twirling til I was too dizzy to move.

Then came the fireworks. Back then, those fireworks were the only I had ever seen, and they were amazing. I would count down the hours til twilight. We had our own set we'd set off on the dock. Johnny and Pete and some other guys would be in charge of that, while their parents fretted that they would get burnt if they werent careful. No one ever did of course, but thats how it went. At the end we always had a huge finale called the salute to Chuck. I dont really remember him, but I know he was one of the parents' friends that stayed down there with us. There would be one last set of fireworks set of in memorium to him, and that was always the most spectacular.

Of course all these great things had to end. One year, when I was about 9ish, the couple who owned the houses down there divorced. We stopped going up there anymore, and seeing the people from there. I remember being extremely mad and practically tearing pages in my journal while stabbing in, "I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM!" in big bold letters taking up pages and pages.

Since then I remember going up there twice, but never to the lake house. Just to the house in the town, by the mountains. It seemed kind of weird coming there then. Like everything was empty, quiet, and old. As if a rust had settled upon what was once shiny and new.

I don't know if I'll ever go back but its almost painful to do so.

When I get older and have a family (hopefully) I hope to try and do the same sort of thing for my children and friends. And nothing will stop it from continuing.

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