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searching for a slice of heaven "In the mourning I can see the sights No wonder I could never keep you satisfied In the mourning I can see inside Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide" {Tantric- mourning} The moments pass by, with nothing greater to do or strive for. Day on day passes and theres nothing to look for and nothing to hope about. With this repetitive schedule, my supposed 'paradise' time of summer wastes away. I climb further and further into the indifferent inner recesses of my mind, looking out in a sort of forgotten wistfulness and wish for something more. I escape to other worlds in book after book, but each return back to reality is harsher and bleaker than the last. I find myself dreaming of imaginary worlds with the most interesting situations and friends and schools and quests... then i wake up and grasp for that heaven which is available only when I sleep. I almost plan my heaven out, a mixture of Middle Earth, my childhood neighborhood, and Hogwarts. My eyes glaze over in this mediocre normalcy that brings nothing. I supposedly have it all, but there is nothing left to look for. I have so many friends and a wonderful boyfriend, and great home. And throughout this summer I've been lonely and restless. My self-critique is not helping, and i just want to get away. I no longer care much about those stupid petty goals I made for last summer, and have neglected to make for this year. I find my temporary escapes within my mind are the best respite from the world... but they are just as I said, temporary. "and she's buying the stairway to heaven..."
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