<~4:55 pm on Saturday, Aug. 02, 2003~>

a raincloud

Why is it that
The sun goes on shining
Yet I have been screened from its view
Some unseen cage holds me here
keeping me locked in the dark
where thoughts of evil plague me
and tears like raindrops, come and go

Why is it that
bright joy surrounds me
yet i am cold to its touch
and numb to those reaching toward me
and so all day i sit alone
wistfully dreaming of naivety
as the warm sun passes overhead

Why is it that
the past ever haunts me
and grey clouds behind me trail
i cannot escape, and so here i stay
caged in my darkness, living in fear
while the world just goes on by

Lost in thoughts and dreams
and nightmares yes,
this is the world of mine.
my place i have chosen
and here it surrounds me
gathering cobwebs and shadows
until all else fades away.

I wish my poetry could improve but it was better back in 5th grade. I'm stuck here in my house dreaming of foreign lands and carefree summer days of the past but instead i am being me, sitting on the computer. Each day my dread of the late summer assignments grows larger and larger and yet I do not work on them. Stupid indeed, I need to just work. I fear these so much, but for what? They are not hard and I would feel ever so better if they were done.

Oh, the curses of procrastination. Havent you ever felt that way also? Like its hovering over you, turning everything you see a dull grey. Sometimes you can run away, escape to your mind or out of it for a short while, but not long. It always comes back.

Last night was Beatlemania. As I had assumed, it didnt work out too well. I guess I cant just have Tori and my stage crew friends together, it doesnt work out. I dont see why they didnt really socialize with her, or me that much for that matter. Theres something about a best friend that makes you really mad when other people don't respect them. Its like a mutual connection, you get each other... and when both of you are ignored, its like a slap in the face.

Sure, we are a little different then them. Tori and I are the kind of people to throw frisbees on stage before the show, to shout out the goldfish song in the middle of Yellow Submarine. We go exploring down the creek to find a nice spot to cool our feet in. They are the kind of people to scoff at that in a way as though that is improper behavior, like we were being uncivilized or immature. And maybe we were, but they shouldnt have to be rude to us about it.

Overall Beatlemania was something to do but not very enjoyable. I probably couldve liked it more if I tried, but I guess I didn't. Oh well.

Today hasn't been the best of days and I hope to turn that around by making a tall, icy glass of lemonade and getting some work done. Tata, nildenyas.

PS- I've finally made my first survey! Humor me and take it here.
610-986-9276

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