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contemplation and hopes My impetus for writing daily or even weekly accounts of my life has been short as of late. I have brief inspiration and do not like holding it in from those who know where this is and would not like hearing it. It's partially because I've been busy and partially because I can not keep up to the expectations formed by earlier entries. I should write freely and more for myself. I have been hoping to get my own domain, but this is not happening quickly. Til then quicker thoughts are jotted elsewhere, and this is cared for infrequently. There are aspects of my life I just dont write down here anymore, and I can't place why. There are many reasons. I have secrets in my head that swim around until they find some spot to jump out to, and then they stare back at me. My litany of interests on diaryland have withered into checking my stats and buddy list. School is pulling me in different directions. Right now it is my priority to pull my grades up to those I had freshmen year, and to do the best I can in stage crew. I don't want another year to turn out like the failure of last year. I am not in NHS now because of it. And I see that and other consequences glaring in my face each day. I want to take it back and fix what I've done. I'm halfway through the first quarter and my grades are doing notably better than last year thus far, let's hope it stays this way. I have aquired a new hobby, which gives me a new realm of outlook on this world. Being an upperclassmen in stage crew is adding more responsibilities to everyone involved, and I'm trying to learn how to build. I will not sit by and do nothing against the blatant sexism when I can do just as much, if not more, than any guy. I am hoping I can learn, because right now I think I have the will and the strength, just not the knowledge. I do not want another Footloose this year, where I worked but got put in the back because people didn't like me. I am not going to suck up to people or do anything I wouldn't normally do, but I am going to make sure my efforts are not overlooked. I think the same should go for Stef, because she is one of the people on crew who has been their the longest and gets the worst end of everything. Its quite unfair. In school I am going to get involved to make up for the regret of not making the soccer team, and not running. I enjoy singing a lot, even though I'm not splendiforous at it, so I think I shall join choir. I also love poetry, even if my inspiration is few and far in between, thus I shall join the poetry club. More things to keep the mind active. Last night it got to a bad point, where I was thinking about life far too much. Got quite distraught and groundless. My body was feeling sick but I think my mind was a little too clear. This is good at times, but for too long it is unhealthy. Distraction is needed to keep one from madness, quash worries about eternity... I want to practice PK more often than I am, for without that I shall only regress in my abilities. It is quite amusing and some can be done in many places. Others I must try before going to bed, given that I do actually 'go up to bed' rather than falling asleep on the sofa. So that doesnt happen today, I should probably start working soon. I have a number of interesting quotes that have been piling up, and here is a poem I find very true: "A Dream Within A Dream" Take this kiss upon the brow!
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